Picture all the “I Dated a psychopath” movies you’ve seen, just with my face as lead actress. Yup. It was beginning to look like a hollywood script I’d lived in for 7 months without knowing it. LOL.
I dated a psychopath. One would assume the worst about psychopaths; you’re probably wondering if he strangled me or attempted to poison my food, He didn’t. Contrary to popular belief, they aren’t gun-bearing criminals, but live fairly ordinary lives. So how do you know if you happen to be dating a psychopath and what should you expect? I’ll tell you for free.
Their perception of self worth is typically extremely high. Even if you are a successful and independent person, you are likely to feel worthless in comparison. And if you don’t, a psychopath partner may set out to crush your self esteem in order to have more control over you. They also have certain positive traits such as paying attention to detail, being good at reading people and engaging in conversation with ease. Their ability to be precise and creative means psychopaths can be successful professionals. What this means is my ideal man is very easily a psychopath and I’d never smell it.
And he was. He knew me like the back of his hand. He could tell exactly what was on my mind just by the way I smiled (I have different types of smiles) and unfortunately, I interpreted this as a sign from heaven that we were meant to be so on the days that the red signs were screaming at me to leave, I encouraged myself to stay with this.
“He knows me too well and He’s really doing everything to make me happy. I just need to make some compromises he can’t be 100%”
He Moved At Crazy Romantic Speed
I like taking long walks in the evenings and it’s not a scarce habit so when he mentioned that he also liked to walk and jokingly said i must never go walking without him it wasn’t a hint for me but boy did we move fast. I own a thrift store and he’s driving me to the market and carrying my bags. It almost became offensive for me to suggest that I wanted to go by myself. He was just being concerned and didn’t want me to stress myself so it was okay. And then it became the gym. And church. My movie Wednesdays became our movie Wednesdays and I WAS NOT okay with any of this but it was okay because what people do in relationships is compromise.
His Previous Girlfriend Was A Psychopath
On one of the nights we walked, He told me about his Ex who he’d done heaven and earth for and found out she was married. He shed a tear or two and I was heartbroken. I’d never seen a grown man cry so this must have been bad. What I didn’t realize at the time was that all his detail-heavy tales of women who have done him wrong was a conditioning mechanism. The holy spirit was telling him I could be his peace. HAQ HAQ HAQ
He’d ask me the most insulting questions and I normally WILL NOT wait that out but with him it was different because he had trust issues (understandably?) and I had to be his peace.
I could never hold him accountable for anything .
He Was Super Charming… Until He Wasn’t
I’m a very carefree butterfly and what I do allows me fly from time to time. When I’m not, I’m nesting in my house binge-watching some new series or waking up to run to the market by 5am. From being very handy with my store work, he started to help out with my jobs and before I could say Jack was asking if my event passes could admit 2. Now this isn’t a problem except he’s CONSTANTLY trying to be in my space. THIS IS A PROBLEM.
When I stood my ground on anything, he’d bang the doors and hit the walls and yell about how I was driving him crazy at the top of his voice. When I raised a conversation about him suffocating me, he said he was doing the needful by trying to study me and he’ll be traveling soon so he wanted us to build as many memories as we could. Teary-eyed again. He then reminded me of how much he loved me and how he felt like I wasn’t doing enough.
Gas lighting. You should read about it sometime if you haven’t already.
Is this how grown men act? I began to believe this was how grown-up relationships are.
He Was Always The Solution
I never felt as inadequate in my life as I felt the entire time with him. “I was too young and I wasn’t taking the relationship as seriously as he was, I wasn’t showing him off on my social media while I was his DP for 6 years, I wanted to go gym alone while he’d planned our entire lives around each other.” It was always me who wasn’t doing enough while he was doing all the work.
“All my friends were complaining about my bad behavior to him but I shouldn’t worry he handled it.” I could suck at dating but I suck at all relationships and my friends won’t even talk to me? It was a real dilemma.
The Stupid Lies Started Piling Up
This man was the poster boy for perfect boyfriend. He was the biggest advocate for loyalty and honesty. Always tell the truth was his favorite slang.
The lies eventually started to unfold. He didn’t buy a cup of Starbucks for 100 dollars (what kind of duffus believes this anyway), He didn’t buy me diamond studs that cost 1000 dollars (it didn’t even cost 10 dollars) and the ex never existed.
And I hadn’t heard half of it.
His Favorite Position Was Defense
You can imagine what happened when I confronted him about all of this. I was the crazy one because I always have a can of Smirnoff lurking around somewhere in my fridge while he didn’t drink at all. Yup. He attempted to convince me that I had a drinking problem. He had misspoken, I had misheard, or it had never happened. No explanation was too crazy. I showed him a Starbucks menu i downloaded from google and my guy said ” I said what I said”
They’ll argue or debate with the passion of someone who believes they can do no wrong, because that’s the reality they live in. At some point, you realize you can’t win. I did.
There is no cure, they do not change or get better. It’ll hurt like a bastard, and you probably won’t be able to relate half of your experiences with anyone especially now that you’re seeing in a different light. It won’t make sense, it still doesn’t to me.
For a long time I wondered what gave me away, I surely couldn’t be so visibly foolish but it doesn’t matter. Sometimes the best closure one gets is to take your lessons and leave.
By leaving, you’ve already taken the first step.